Barack Obama: Hero Behind The End Of The World

December 11, 2012 – KCBS 5  spoke to a viewer and was told about a video which captured a series of lights flying in formation above the city before appearing to take a diamond shape and eventually disappearing. This early on Sunday morning in San Francisco’s Mission District. This also coincides with the Air Force launching their secret mystery shuttle X-37B back into space.

Unidentified sources have told me that the mystery lights are in fact spacecraft from another world. The light formation is believed by some in the intel community to be alien spacecraft sent here on a mission to gather information relevant to which citizens will be selected for removal.

California will play a key role in “thinning out” the population. This is where the majority of our nations warped citizens thrive, and the state in the most financial trouble. Not a very good sign for some on the left coast.

Each state will be scanned by the alien crews, taking inventory of human life and animals. There is a fear that many will be left behind. In fact, all the moochers will be left behind. It’s in the great plan. Only those with work ethic will survive the end of the world.

Rumors in the circle of the super rich are stirring up stories of corporations already prepared to move to a secret location many light years away, where they will be safe from the sticky fingers of the moocher class. Sources tell me that there will be no corporate taxes on the secret planet which is drawing the interest of several key individuals who’s combined wealth keeps the economy alive here on planet earth. Great news for the worlds entrepreneurs and small business owners trying to survive and grow.

Here’s the real kicker in this unfolding event- Barack Obama is a key player in this. Obama has apparently been working with the alien crowd as a neighborhood organizer here on earth. He has very successfully managed to single out each and every moocher here. It was in the plan all along to weed them all out prior to the so called end of the world. So now we know that Obama is actually an alien himself, which explains why no one has been able to prove who he is or where he really came from.

Among other key data used to identify moochers are the voting results in the last presidential election. Those results will play a key role in identifying which citizens will be allowed to leave earth before it’s end. It is unknown who, or how other areas of earth will be selecting their citizens. We do believe there will be a large Mexican presence on our new planet because of their strong work ethic. I for one, plan to open a chain of Taco stands on the new planet.

There is also a rumor that syndicated radio talk show host, Neal Boortz, may be taking a lead role in the development of the new government which will be established on our new home planet. This may explain the meaning behind Neal’s retirement, and “Happy Ending” events being held in selected states. Big coincidence, huh? Maybe there is more behind the phrase “Happy Ending” than we know.

Barack Obama- Community organizer, black president, bowing to world leaders, eating junk food and never gaining weight. It all makes complete sense now. Who the hell would have ever guessed Obama would be the hero behind the end of the world? Yes Johnny, there is a Baracka Claus! -JRoycroft

To media: Under no circumstances will I expose my source. Please note that none of the information shared with me involved drugs or the consumption of adult beverages. Although there may have been a Guinness Black Lager consumed during the writing of this article.