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Happy Fathers Day?

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Photo by Lindsay Roycroft ~    ISO100  ~ 1/60sec ~   f/5.6  ~ Focal Length  135mm

Photo by Lindsay Roycroft ~

June 15, 2014

Updated 5:48pm est

Did you get a call, a card or visit from your kids today? If not, perhaps in their minds you don’t fit the qualifications of being called a father. Maybe you should think about that, especially if your kids are older now and out on their own challenging the world with their own problems.

My dad wasn’t always there when I needed him. He was instead serving his country during most of my childhood. He never missed my birthday, Christmas or any other special day when he was away. There would always be a card, letter or gift right on time, every time. Funny thing though, when he was home on leave or between deployments he was a crappy father. He didn’t know how to be a loving caring dad unless he was sitting in a tent somewhere over seas with an ink pen in his hands. I suppose it was because he had plenty of time to think soberly about his family back home. Don’t get me wrong. My dad would have and did on occasion step up to the plate when he needed to pull the father card, but never once displayed anything that came across as being a loving father.

I grew up an Army brat spending my entire childhood as that Army kid. I wouldn’t trade those years living the brat life for anything. I was seven years old when we lived in Berlin while the Wall was being built and spent many years traveling. Problem with my childhood was the time period. Korea, Vietnam, Berlin, Cuba, and of course the race wars in the south. I lived in Georgia so I knew all about that.

My dad enjoyed poker and beer nights with his comrades. He probably enjoyed it a little too much which is why he was, in my opinion, a lousy father figure. He spent nearly all of his free home time with everyone but his family. I’ll go to my grave being proud of what he did for his country, he was a good soldier, but it ends there. Mom always made up excuses for why he was so distant with me and my brothers when he was home, blaming the stress of his war experiences for everything. It might have made my mother feel better by excusing him but it did nothing to better him as a father. He was my dad, not my father. Big difference. Of course I didn’t fully understand how lousy a father he was until I hit my adult years and had kids of my own. Mom was pretty good at covering for dad. I look back now and blame her as much as I do him for not preparing me for the role as a father. Come to think of it, she wasn’t exactly mother of year either, ever. My father figure was actually my grandfather, moms dad. I won’t bore you with that story, you’ll have to wait for the book I still can’t seem to finish writing. It’s going to really piss off a bunch of family members. The truth sorta has a way of doing that.

This is for you dads out there…  When your kids are young, innocent, and defenseless it is up to you as the father figure in the house to keep them safe and give them all the love and support you possibly can, no matter how hard you think it might be. No matter how many personal problems you are facing, don’t ever let those problems, marital or anything get between you and your children. No matter how bad it gets at home, it’s not their fault and you need to make sure they know that. You do everything in your power to insure they grow up healthy and prepared for life. Don’t send your children out into the world with your dirty baggage and bad memories to remind them how bad being a kid was for them. Later on in your adult life, days like today will remind you of just how good a father you are, good or bad in the eyes of your children. One last thing, please don’t write an apology letter while on your death bed to your children for why you sucked as a father. It will not make them feel any better of you nor will it gain any respect from them. Be the man in the family and make it perfectly clear how much you love them, preferably while you’re still breathing. -JRoycroft

 


Filed under: un-categorized Tagged: children, Children Youth and Family, father figure, Fathers Day, Life, My Life, Parenting

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